he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
