I hate your face
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
