Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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