i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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