So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
