I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
