She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
