Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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