Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
