Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
