what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
