you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
