I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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