He disabled his match.com account in front of me
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
