youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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