apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
