I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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