His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
