Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
