It's like God shit irony all over that family
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
