Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
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