I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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