sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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