My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize