It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
