Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
