She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
