while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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