it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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