I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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