I'm going to rape someone's good day.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
