That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
