There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
