I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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