they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
