It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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