my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
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