ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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