Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
