did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
