Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
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