proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
