You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
