The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
We don't watch enough power rangers
Everclear isn't food dammit
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
