Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Your cock deserves a montage
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
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