READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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