I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize