she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize