I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
