i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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