and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
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