oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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