I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
