He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize