you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
my shit smells like andre
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
The struggles of a small town man whore
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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