I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Barsexuality is the new black.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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