I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize