I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
