shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
