so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize
