Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Houston, we have a blender
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
