Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
