i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
