The maid of honor just puked.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
We need to rekindle our bromance
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
