exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize