weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
We had to coat check the pizza.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
