i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Randomize
