dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
