is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
