You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
